If I felt I could have, I would have done something else.

I wanted to try something different since I’m not real big on the statistics that are shared about #humantrafficking.

I respect and appreciate all experiences but would like to shed light specifically on those that share similar experiences to me with DOMESTIC sex trafficking and how it looks here in America, California, San Diego. 

My truths may not be the gut wrenching “trafficking victims get raped an average of 12 times a year” statistic —- or the heart pulling “the average age of those trafficked is 12” — and maybe not even the tear Inducing “victims are often starved, beaten, chained and drugged” but it is a step into the reality of a very truthful lifestyle to so many. 

I hold myself accountable and admit when I first started sharing my story — I gave into the labels... the dark and evil experiences that occurred — and often demonized the pimps I was involved with — focusing on only the parts of my experience that made people pay attention... truth of the matter is... none of that was giving justice or paths to solutions. I wasn’t bringing awareness to the generational issues that drive this. I wasn’t bringing awareness to the societal issues, systematic issues, racial issues and oppressive issues that drive this lifestyle. Fact of the matter is I was allowing the “movement” to pimp me and hold my narrative... lack of choice... very similar to the way I felt when I was in the game. Lack of options. Lack of speaking my truth. Lack of understanding. 

So now — I try to humbly share my thoughts, my truths, and my experiences with solutions in mind always. My narrative and experience is just that — mine — not speaking for everyone but hopefully speaking for some that haven’t yet found the words to speak for themselves. 

I hope that hearing these truths is just as important when it’s not wrapped up in a heart-wrenching box and bow to pay attention to. Because these are people’s lives... and they all matter. 

Truth #1: if I felt I could have, I would have done something else.

A reason I’m so big on breaking stigmas is because I remember trying to leave the life at least 7 times - Over the course of 6 years. The first time was about 7 months into the game... I remember already being so lost in who I was and hating my daily routine. I tried to leave. I even went home and told my family what had been going on. Unfortunately, I didn’t know there was much more to it than just leaving. I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to function every day with the PTSD I had developed along with ongoing depression that had already existed and only gotten worse with my experience in the game. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to find a steady job with prostitution on my record to mention forgetting how to be disciplined enough to get up and go to work every day when I had just spent every day the last 7 months up all night and hustling all day.  I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to deal with my family criticizing or not understanding my experiences. I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to break the bond I had with my ex pimp. I didn’t realize how diminished my self-worth had become and how unworthy I felt. I didn’t realize how out of place I would feel walking among who used to be my peers and dealing with breaking the habits and normal tendencies I had formed (like not making eye contact with people, not talking to a certain race of men, lack of social skills that my friends didn’t really understand). As much as I didn’t love doing what I did in the game, I felt comfortable there. I felt accepted. I felt like I was finally good for something. 

No one was really offering me any options at that time. I felt like my self-worth had completely diminished and I had no drive to or even idea what I would do outside of hoin. I had taken on the persona of a prostitute and I wasn’t able to easily break that. At this point, I was not really aware there were alternate options after what I had allowed myself to become. 

I was not engaged in any support services or systems to try to transition or understand what I had just dealt with. I was just kinda stumbling in the dark trying to find my way which led me to feeling frustrated and triggered which ultimately led me right back to the game. 

Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do for those entrapped In the Streets — is offer hope. Offer options. Offer opportunities. Empower the dreams and passions buried deep down in those living the hustle and reignite a flame in them to want different. Defining them by who they are not what they have done. Breaking down the stigmas that lie in your own heart and mind about those impacted by the game. Reminding them that they are valuable, loved, and powerful beyond measure is a huge step in how we end this issue. 

Be love & Be light, Jaimee

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