Looking Glass
A poem shared by Jaimee Johnson, a Lived Experience Expert of domestic street sex trafficking.
Born into the world with a lens so beautiful
She saw the world as if there were no limits…
Breathtaking...
No fears no questions... just endless possibilities of good and kindness
Her lens was vibrant and free
Until she reached the age of three...
her lens was first shifted as she started to see
That maybe the world wasn't all she thought it could be...
See her mama met a man... and decided they were all going to pick up and go...
but her mama couldn't wait, so three days she and her siblings were left alone
Till her dad finally found out and came to the rescue... but he had no place for them to go so to mama they went once more...
a new life began... and by age 5 the lens was getting even dimmer...
watching her mama and that man fight every evening before dinner...
She covered her ears hoping the yelling would stop...
and it did...
because the rage went from his mouth to his fist...
and mamas rage fought back...
it was always a broken and bloody sight...
the cops always came at the end of every fight...
By age 6 when the police kept taking mama to jail
Because her bruises hadn't surfaced yet but his blood always prevailed...
her lens got fogged as he put his fingers inside her...
and showed her his manly parts she had only seen on her brother when they innocently shared a bath together...
but this wasn't innocent...
no this was a bit different...
this was meant to hurt her.
By age 10 after hopping around from home to home…
that lens turned into a mask... she made sure to keep on at all times...
as time went on…
she grew weary of her body... her hair that was red and her freckles...
she did any and everything just to try to
Make friends...
but by age 12 her lens to the world started to see evil.
She no longer tried to figure out ways to fit in... she just kinda...
existed.
By age 14 she found that boys paid attention... but only to the girls that looked different than her...
so when a football player came along and flirted a lil...
She trusted him, i mean it must have been love, especially the first time he hit her
she figured the way to show him her love was through sexual pleasure...
rumors stirred as people found out she was pregnant...
15 and a child?
There's no way that can happen...
so to the clinic she went… her father by her side... her baby’s father no where in sight.
She went numb as the dr scraped out her first baby...
from Deep inside.
And after her and her first boyfriend finally broke up, she soon met a charmer who used her ignorance to benefit a buck
27 he was, remember she was only 15 —
He would roofie her drink
while he sold her body for cheap
Shamed and confused she continued to seek acceptance through what she could offer a man...
so as you can imagine... not even a year later
Growing inside her was baby #2...
16 years and you can see how experience changes her lens view
This one she kept... with her boyfriend by her side... they stood hand in hand to
Buckle up for this ride...
raising a baby... well we know that's not cheap...
so at 17 she dropped out of
School...
Worked full time to make sure her and her family could eat...
life seemed just fine... the fog on the lens was clearing...
as she approached 19... their second child was stirring...
marriage was the sure solution... to a happy ending...
oh if only she knew at 19... this was only the beginning...
a year full of what seemed to be bliss...
every morning started... and every evening ended... with a meaningful kiss
Things started changing though...
at 20 her and her husband grew apart...
she couldn't figure out why it was so different than the start...
and affair was in the air... she could feel her husband going astray...
and not far after she found out... the father of her children and her supposed to be forever husband...
was in fact gay.
Broken and betrayed... she could
Barely tell Left from right... drowning but focus on her kids was what she was gasping to try and keep
In Sight...
not too long after... she wanted to go out... have a little fun...
since her and the kids had been at home struggling to even keep the lights on...
drunk and lonely... she connected with a man... little
Did she know... about his life-changing game plan...
confiding in him... even giving him her body...
he knew just how to speak
To her properly...
Promises of a happy ending... and stability were back in view...
but how she had to accomplish that...
well that truly broke her view...
As she approached her 21st birthday...
she was no longer her own... property of
Pimpin... his name branded on her skin
Her gift for her birthday... was her very first rape...
police brushed it off as a trick who
Got a free "date"
22 and 23... her lens got bashed by his angry fists...
at least she had been prepared for it early when she watched the abuse at age 5&6
The anger hurt less when she popped the pills and snorted the coke...
the rapes got easier and the dates got manageable... as long as drugs helped her escape...
by her mid 20's the lens were so blurred... she can't even recall a timeline... just events... of the things that brought her to try to Pop one pill too
Many and snort one line too much...
In the hospital she woke, the overdose didn’t work
seems there were other plans
... because alive and back
On those streets... she found herself till her late 20's
By 26... enough had been enough...
One song on that stage,
one private dance too many
One seizure and blackout too many
One random man’s house
One pair of nasty hands
One rape
One abortion
One trauma
Too many
Too many days in jail
Too many hotels
Too many days without her children
Too many drugs
Too much pain
Death or change these were the only options
So she ran...
she ran to find a new lens and pray they were clear so she could
Figure out how to get her life back where it belonged...
but how?
Would you guess at 26 she is pregnant all
Over again... but this time was different she felt it in her soul...
She would reconcile and step into her most important role...
a mother and mentor... all while
Healing along the way...
surely making mistakes... but never looking back unless it's to see what she had overcome
Growing and fighting to heal from the cuts of the lens... she managed to create a life worth living once again
God told her clear at 27 years old... your son... your girls... this life is no mistake... I'm Trusting in you… as I have seen all you can take...
Your second chance... the time is now... it's now time
Time for
You to show others how
How to overcome
How to live and love
How to forgive
How to break free and speak their truth
How to turn pain to power and how to
Touch another's soul
This my young queen is
Your true purpose and role
So as the fog lifted... and the cracks in the lens faded...
she started to see the world in a new light... no
Longer jaded
This was a familiar place... she recognized this view
And then she realized God had restored her lens back to
Their original View.
