Wheel of Risk Digging Deeper: Healthy Relationships (Part 4 of 4)  

One of the greatest hurdles in the recovery process for the exploited individual is learning to trust again. Relationships are one of the main tactics traffickers use to control and manipulate their victims. Keeping them trapped in a false sense of loyalty and commitment to their abuse-as we have learned in the previous blog- creating a strong bond that is so hard to break. In one study, 88% of survivors disclosed that after being trafficked they felt alienated and avoided social connections (Hopper, 2017, p. 168). The reason for this is a simple cause and effect relationship between being betrayed repeatedly. You don’t want to risk being taken advantage of again. 

For advocates and allies, this is the first step to create a safe space, you must be able to recognize the wound is there for survivors and be patient with their resistance to allowing you access to their personal thoughts and space. This resistance is because, “survivors of CSE may be overwhelmed with terror, feelings of contamination and differentness, and self-loathing even after leaving the trade. Such feelings, including an erosion of the capacity for trust, may undercut abilities to establish new relationships or experience intimacy” (Wilson, 2014, p.501). You don’t go from being repeatedly abused and betrayed by your closest intimate relationships to being able to freely engage in close relationships again. This takes time and repetition and being a consistent and long-term companion on the journey to recovery. 

If you are to be that companion, the second way to create a safe space is to practice good boundaries for yourself and for those you work with. “Individuals who have experienced developmental trauma may have difficulty establishing healthy relationships, which involve allowing trust and intimacy to slowly develop within the safety provided by clear boundaries” (Hopper, 2017, p. 168). Boundaries create safety, it can be as simple as letting survivors know when they can and cannot contact you and how they can get ahold of you. It is about being available and attuned to their needs, but also about holding clear lines about what you will and will not do. Being clear and direct in your communication alleviates the anxiety and stress from you and those you walk alongside of and helps you both prevent recreating broken relational patterns that can turn the helpful relationship into another harmful experience for the survivor.   

Thirdly, the hope of creating a safe place for survivors to heal and grow is to help them re-experience what healthy relationships are like. This comes from being heard, consistent communication, behavior,  boundaries, and building new relationships with peer survivors and supportive systems. We are harmed in relationships, so we heal in relationships. This again takes time, and doesn’t happen overnight, but through repeated experiences of healthy relationships with supportive people that tell a different story about what it means to be close to another person again after abuse and betrayal. “When an individual has support outside the hurtful relationship that they are able to find the means to leave the abusive relationship. This highlights the importance of helping survivors foster new and healthy connections apart from their trafficker both with peers and fellow survivors as well as with therapeutic professionals” (Casassa, 2021, p. 11).  

If you want to be a safe ally for survivors in their journey of healing, you need to be able to walk with them at the place where they are at. It is messy at times, but what relationship is not? Be willing to learn from those you walk with, following their lead, and doing your own personal work to heal any relational wounds that may trip you up in the work you want to do. We can only take someone as far as we are willing to go, lower your expectations that you will see immediate change, it will come, but only if you are committed for the long haul with those you support. Help those you are on this journey with build their circles of safe relationships, know what resources are out there and be that bridge between the gaps of need and services. Lastly, have hope. Hope in the resilience of the human spirit to overcome insurmountable odds, and the beauty of our hearts to be able to learn to trust again even when it has been so shattered. Don’t give up when it gets hard, lean in, and wait. Healing will come in its own time. 

References

• Austin-Smith, Holly. (2014). Walking Prey: How America’s youth are vulnerable to sex slavery. New York: Palgrave MacMillan. 

• Casassa, Kaitlin. “Trauma Bonding Perspectives From Service Providers and Survivors of Sex Trafficking: A Scoping Review.” Trauma, violence & abuse.(2021): DOI:10.1177/1524838020985542. Accessed on August 9, 2021.

• Hopper, E. (2017). “Polyvictimization and Developmental Trauma Adaptations in Sex Trafficked Youth.” Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma, 10(2), 161–	173. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40653-016-0114-z

• Sanders, Savannah J. (2015). Sex Trafficking Prevention: A trauma-informed approach for parents and professionals. Scottsdale, AZ: Unhooked Books.

• Wilson, Bincy. (2014). “Running a Gauntlet: A Review of Victimization and Violence in the Pre-Entry, Post-Entry, and Peri-/post-Exit Periods of Commercial Sexual Exploitation.” Psychological trauma : theory, research, practice and policy. 6.5: 494–504.